One week from today will be Gabriel's first birthday & the 8th will be his 1 year angelversary :( I have been consumed with sadness for the past month or so. I've been feeling the dates creep up closer and closer and I don't know how I'll get through all these emotions again. I feel like Gabriel was here just yesterday, and at the same time I feel like it was a million years ago. I guess I felt like these hard dates would never come, and that with everything we've been through already somehow we would be spared these anniversaries. I know it sounds strange, especially to anyone reading this who hasn't had to say goodbye to their baby. But these are the feeling I've been facing, and it's like someone is tearing off the scab to my wound.
I will be spending next Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the coast with my daughter, paternal grandparents and my father. The only thing that I've planned is a balloon release on Saturday. I know I should plan more but for some reason I'm avoiding planning anything... I guess it's because I don't want to face that day yet, I'm not ready. Why won't time stand still for me? Just for a while, until I catch my breath again? I can't believe my son would be a year old! The party we would throw! The first birthday is always such a big deal! I'm afraid I'll spend the whole trip in tear and ruin the weekend for everyone, I will try to be strong, but once the dam breaks... I can promise nothing. I just needed to release some feelings and vent. I would journal but I like blogging better now and I like it that people can read this and give a little feed back if they want to.
I love you Gabriel! And I miss you soooo much! Almost 1 buddy <3
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2 comments:
I think it'd be lovely to have a balloon release. We did that for our wedding instead of rice or birdseed or bubbles or rose petals.
Have everyone write a little birthday message or greeting to little Gabriel and sing happy birthday as they release them to the heavens.
Whatever you do, it'll be perfect. And Gabriel will know that his mama did what she could to mark his first birthday and he'll love you all the more for it.
A balloon release is perfect, we are also doing that for Sami's 1st birthday in October.
I am so sorry you are also on this journey, welcome to blog land. I hope you find comfort in knowing that we really do understand what you are going through. I wish you lots of peace in the days ahead ((HUGS))
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