Well I guess I should actually post something now :)

Hello. I'm a little unsure of what to write here. So I guess I'll just start typing. Here goes nothin...


My name is Sara, my friends and family call me Sare, you are welcome to call me either :) I'm 26 years old, but I still feel 16 and I wonder if I always will feel this young. I live in a small town in North West Oregon, I have lived in this little hill-billy town most of my life :) Please try not to hold that against me! The past 3 years have been the hardest years my family and I have ever had. I've never known so much loss in my whole life as I have in these past few years. I'm trying to stay positive and not let life harden me too much, BUT I'm going to be honest & tell you that I'm finding it harder and harder with each passing day. 


It all started going downhill on October 30th 2008 I was about 12 weeks pregnant! We were so happy! My daughter Summer (she is from a previous relationship. So Gabe is not her biological father) was soooo excited that she was gonna have a baby brother or sister!! My boyfriend (at that time), Gabe and I were going to our first OB visit! We were ecstatic and we couldn't wait to see the ultra sound image our lil tiny baby! Our excitement quickly turned into devastation when the Dr. told us that our baby was only measuring at about 9 weeks and no longer had a heartbeat :(  We were crushed. I had a D&C on 11/04/08.


The next horrible event occurred in the early hours of 12/06/09, my 19 year old sister lost her husband, 20 year old Joseph Kuebert or as we called him "Q" to suicide. They were only married 6 weeks :(  I would have to say this is the first time something truly and completely "ROCKED" our family. It was so horrible and so final. Suicide is that way, so final.


On 08/13/2009 My great grandmother passes away. She lived a good life and was very old. But it still hurt.


And finally the event that has left me forever changed: the birth and death of my son Gabriel Frank Grajiola Jr. He was born 09/04/2009 and received his wings on 09/08/2009. I'm heartbroken over the loss of my sweet lil Gabriel, and I feel so robbed. I think of him every single day, I love him every single day and I miss him every single day, so much that it's painful and I feel it all the way to the depths of my soul. I do want to share Gabriel's story with you, but it's late and I don't have the energy to type that all out tonight, so I'll save that for another post on another day.


My daughter is 4 now. After she was born I always said that she saved my life. She was the only "surprise" baby. Both the baby I miscarried and my son Gabriel were both planned and very much wanted babies. Before I was pregnant with Summer I was headed down a road that was leading to nowhere fast She did save my life! I fell in love the very first sight of her! & I knew that the only thing that really mattered now was her and I had to do good for her and be the best mother I'm able to be. I love being a mommy and I have so much love to give. And now Summer continues to save my life everyday. If it weren't for her I'm very afraid that I would be dealing with all this or would have dealt with all of this in a very different, veryyy bad kind of way. :(  But I keep on going and I keep on pushing forward everyday. As a new friend said: "Summer continues to be my saving grace" So true.


I think that this is where I'll stop for today. I hope I didn't ramble on too much or confuse anyone by jumping all over the place. I'm off to get Summer ready for bed then we're gonna watch a little "Never-ending story"  :) Until next time..


Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! If they do, hit them with a shoe until they're black n blue! Sweet dreams~