Uh oh! BABY ENVY!

There isn't really much to say here. The title is pretty self explanatory, right ladies? I woke up this morning feeling good, no feeling pretty great actually. I went to bed early last night and I slept in a little this morning and I'm feeling pretty relaxed and refreshed. When I logged into face book I saw that 2 of my friends had their babies yesterday and early this morning! I'm sooo happy for them, for their happiness and for their healthy & ALIVE babies! I really am I swear, I'm just jealous! I want a baby... NO, no, no, I want MY BABIES BACK. I don't want a new baby, I want them back. I don't think I'll ever have any more children. When I imagine my future, I just don't see any more babies. It's too painful of a reminder that the others are gone and I'd be soooo scared to lose anymore, I don't think I'd survive another loss like that. BUT everyday I have baby envy, I've got a baby bug that won't go away, and theres nothing I can do about it. It's like wanting something that I'll never have. As much as I'm jealous and as much as I do want more children, I'm fairly certain that I'll never have more. I look back to when they were prepping me for my c-section, I had the option to have my tubes tied then, I said no, but now I wish that I would have said yes.  :(  I don't know, I'm just rambling and venting, I'm sorry. Just needed to get it out somehow.